so after all these months of losing my passport, running around to find it, stressing, forking out hundreds of dollars, being stuck in third countries, missing events, meetings, school and the general pain in the but of being unrecognized... i finally found my passport! i went to the airport to change my flight to return and Lufthansa had it. someone found my travel bag with my Lufthansa ticket and gave it to the airline! why they, or the police never took it to the police beats me! i lost it in somerville, MA and it ended up at the airport? crazy! anyway... my visas in the passport don't count anymore-except for one of them. but i get to keep all my stamps and old photos again. yeah! what a pain!

life is very strange!

a + b = c
what you do to one side, you do to the other. so if you subtract "b"" from one side, subtract it from the other and the equation balances.
a = c - b
marvellous! mathematics! incredible stuff!

it is pretty amazing to feel loved and not know why. so often we live in an environment of equations. i love you because you do this, or because you are that. to be genuinely loved, sincerely loved, without logical reasoning is the scariest thing in th world--and the most incredible feeling.

"why do you love me? because of the work i do? because of where i'm from? because of what i mean to you? what have i done to deserve that love?" it's totally disorienting if the answers to all of these questions are NO NO NO NO and NOTHING! you're left thinking "but i don't deserve this love!" and that, is when it's the greatest love of all. no conditions. no expectations. no rational.

i don't cry much... but today i do have tears. i am finding it hard to read the news. i am finding it hard to come to terms with all the knuckleheads that voted for George Bush. i am finding it hard to actually imagine that he will be president of the US for 4 more years, and that the republicans have such majorities. something in me fundamentally disagrees with the things that they promote, support and execute.

it's hard to let go of the idea that i had so firmly in my mind that Bush would lose. that he would be a one term president [like his father], that the world would get a new start. it's hard to accept that i was wrong, or that fact that SO many people voted for this man, that the system has self-perpetuated, that it's just going to go on and on...

i can't look at any more pictures of a happy george bush. i can't stand it... or the millions of people who believe in the agenda he campaigned on.

so many messes have been started all over the world, the results of his 'leadership' are negatively affecting so many people that i just can't understand HOW they voted for him.

it's so hard to be in such a sad place right now... and yet, i always think that really, things are not that bad for me, or anyone else reading this blog. we can access the internet, bush or no bush, we probably are getting fed, have clothes, jobs, love, dreams, a future, inspiration etc. there are so many people whose lives are much worse and this election result doesn't help them much. those people, who i feel connected to in such a strong way are part of why i feel such remorse.

there's so much work to be done--and the environment to do it doesn't get much better at all. but people have won struggles under worse conditions. whatever our struggle, we shall overcome!

if bush wins... hold on, if he actually does win.. .umm... if he's DECLARED the winner, i don't know what to do/think. four more years with this guy as president?

it's not over yet--Ohio is still in the process of being sorted out. i have NO clue however what i can do other than sit back and watch. i hate feeling helpless.

what about those 'missing' ballots in florida. we didn't hear a word about them... at least i didn't.

what can be done!
ok, so let's assume he wins. then what? we can't be in a opposition mode for 4 years. we have to be pro-active. we have to figure out a way to be positive.
--he'll control the white house
--have major influence over congress
--make judicial appointments
--mess up the global economy even further
--keep stirring up hostility internationally; and the mess in Iraq isn't getting any better.

what the hell were people thinking??? what? how???

aarrgh! :(

It's 33 degrees in JNB. Nov 3. The US election was yesterday. I am feeling that bush won. Denis sent me messagds last night and all of them had W in the lead. I don't know what this means for the world, for our work, for security, international relations and politics at large. Do we all have to continue living under a global authority that is so determined to exercise it's might in pursuit of economic dominance? Capitalism is such an inhumane system. I don't think John Kerry would have changed the system, but i think he would have given a new start to a lot of things. Am on my way to the office. Don't know what lies ahead. Can't wait to have conversations that will help in putting it all into perspective.

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ok, i've actually checked the news now! i have the worst feeling in my gut! i'm hoping for a miracle! ohio!!! OHIO!!! OhIO!!!! O-h-I-O!!!!!!!!! argh!