i came out of the subway today at Harvard Sq, listening to music and singing along to music from my homeland... this man with a hug beard and really ugly teeth [i'm sorry, but they were ugly! statement of fact~ish!]and asked me if i had spare change, and honestly, i didn't. he then asked if i could buy him food at the "Greenhouse Cafe" which is at the corner of JFK street. i was very disturbed by the whole thing and couldn't really look into this guy's face because (i) it was causing a real reaction from me and (ii) it was disturbing to see the pain in his eyes and not to feel a strong emotion. i knew i had to do something and my mind started racing--act on impluse and help this guy, or retreat to the more soothing and abstract thought that giving beggars is unsustainable and doesn't help meet long term problems and doesn't address root causes etc etc. But man, this guys problem was immediate--right now! he was hungry he didn't want 2 bugs to buy glue! he was hungry. he wasn't thinking of where should he sign up for a program to help him out or where to get a degree. he was hungry.

i crossed JFK street, walked into the Greenhouse Cafe and asked if they make food "to go" [if you're african or european, read 'take away'] they said the "whole menu's to go" so i cracked a silly joke about it. i was bit hungry myself and wanted to know if i could buy something that i could split with the Ugly Toothed Hungry Man. a burger and fries, i give him the burger, i keep the fries. fair. i shyed away from the burger because i've been having serious meat issues and the whole idea of eating a burger makes me feel ill. [thanks melina... all your fault!] i felt someone breathing over my shoulder and i looked over and got freaked out... it was the hugnry man. he'd followed me into the restaurant. next dilema: do i sit down and order a meal with him and have the restaurant staff mistreat him and stuff because of his appearance, smells, and of course, the teeth... or do i tell him to wait outside and risk making him feel like i'm too ashamed to be seen eating with him (which i don't know if it's true or not). i told him to wait. ten minutes later, the order was fine. i walked outside and he was gone. i went back to where i found him and there he was. i told him i had a burger for him. he told me he left me alone because he thought i was annoyed by him. i felt bad. i did have a disturbed look on my face because this whole this was disturbing and totally transformed my day.

i gave him his burger and he was very happy. i asked him his name.. "Everett" he replied. i asked him where he lives.. "Springfield, Mass" he told me. i thought to myself that he's probably homeless but thought that if that was the case, then good for him because wherever he lives, he calls it home. we spoke about him getting a job and asked him what he would do to transform his situation. he answered that he's currently applying for welfare. i asked him why he didn't try to get a job and he told me that he is Schizophrenic, further adding to my painful state. i spent the whole summer studing personality disorders like schizophrenia and it's a horrible thing. he's on medication, he told me, and no one wants to give him a job. gut wrenching! schizophrenia is a horrible condition and no one who doesn't have it could even begin to understand the pain (emotional and perhaps physical) that this man goes through each day and we all probably walk past him listening to our music and driven by our holy, save the world missions. ironically, next to him was a book "in flight for love." he told me he found it. asked him if he's reading it and he said a little bit. "can you read?" i asked... "sort of", he replied!

i kept eating my fries and each one made me feel sick. i gave him half my meal, when i really am sure i'll eat tonight. i couldn't finish them... not out of guilt, but out of being too caught up in my thoughts. on the train this morning,i read that harvard has broken the goal of a $20 billion dollar endowment of its funds etc! TWENTY BILLION DOLLARS! that is more than the GDP of most countries and entire regions.yet at he doorsteps of harvard lies many people in need of a burger for breakfast!

as far as governments are concerned, i don't exist right now. i lost my passport and my means of existence are no more.

but i feel good. i am learning a lot through these trying times. having to put things into perspective... travel, bureaucracy, identity, time, government relations, me... a lot of stuff

i'm going to figure it all out though. i'm positive about it all. it'll work out! it has to.

i am a very luck boy, and i'm grateful for it!

d.

it is such a heart wrenching experience for me to think about identification and passports and visas... things that make life liveable, if you live across borders [physically and metaphoricaly!]. i wish this wasn't the case!

it's horrible to know who you are, what you do and where you want to go, and yet, effectively need permission from so many other people to be able to do so.

the moment you lose that piece of identification, your existence disappears! your life halts. horrible!

i am having a really hard time figuring out what my role is in the US election. i do not like it when people from other countries come to africa and 'run' elections there. i think africans are able to vote consciously and to develop their own democracies etc etc. i do think the international community does have a role to play in assisting that development, but not ot drive their own agenda and push for outcomes and results that they see fit and inline with their own interest. the results should reflect what people in those countries want.

now--after that preamble, here is my dilema: i am in the US, i am not from here, i don't vote here and yet when i see the wrong that the Govt here is doing, i feel like doing something about it. mobilizing people and urging them to vote against Bush's government, which would be like doing the exact same thing i mentioned above. so i'm stuck and trapped by my own ethical and moral framework.

yet, i argue to myself that the impact and influence of the US is global and hence affects global citizens, thus as a global citizen i'm sort of obliged to be involved. but you can argue that for those foreign organizations and governments acting in developing countries and affecting their politics, they have the same obligations as the world is interconnected. but i don't always thing that it's a fair two way street to begin with.

am i wrong and [self] contradictory if i work to promote the ouster of george w. bush in the US? am i entitled to complain and moan and be upset when american do the same in zimbabwe, south african, brazil, argentina, india, .... ?

if you have any thoughts on this, let me know. i know what i am leaning towards-but i just want to balance my own thinking with that of those people around the world. but i have to act fast. November 2 is exactly 2 months away!

~dumi
september 2, 2004

chatting on IM today with a friend and she tells me the following quote from an email she got from a friend of hers... which i found funny and telling of the Republicans in Govt. enough to generate a rowdy dicussion at any dinner party :) :

(2:16:52 PM)
   Just my own opinion but comparing Bush to Winston Churchill is an insult to Churchill.
   They both have W in middle name but that's where simularity ends.
   Now this:"President Bush sees world terrorism for the evil that it is. John Kerry has no such clear, precise and consistent vision. This is not a personal criticism of John Kerry. I respect him for his service to our nation."

2:17:08 PM)
   OK, Rudy, if this is not personal criticizm what is it then?
   Notice he hasn't mention Bin Laden's name anywhere in his speech. Looks like that name is a taboo to mention.
   Instead there are mentions of Saddam and mentions of 9/11 forgive me but whatta fuck they have in common?
   Clear this out, please. Osama was a mastermind and behind 9/11.

(2:17:18 PM)
   All I hear now is praises of Bush getting
   Saddam and none of them mentions Bin Laden now. Why? Because getting him wasn't even a goal.
   Why spend 10bln to get Osama when you can spend 100bln and get Hussein!
   Talk about being inconsistent and flip flopping. And they dare to use 9/11 tragedy.
   Scumbags. Where is BIN Fucking Laden?
   
   
   Clearly, Rudy left his lipstick on Bush's ass. So much ass kissing.